For My Girls

I took my children to see Disney on Ice this week. Since our experience with America's Funniest Videos and our trips to both Disneyland and Disney World, we are fans of all things Disney. The theme of the show was Princesses and Heroes, and as I watched the various stories play out, I began to think about relationships and the things I want for my girls. Perhaps it is losing my mother at an early age that makes me feel the need to write down what I am thinking for my daughters, or perhaps it is the fact that, like my own dad, I seem to be able to write things much more eloquently than I can say them. Either way, listen up, girls. Mom has something important to say.
Choose your spouse carefully. More carefully than you've ever selected anything in your life. Who you marry MATTERS. If you get it wrong, the ones who end up suffering for it may be your children. Learn to make yourself happy. If you spend your life waiting for a man to come along and make you "happy" you will always be disappointed.
Let's talk about the qualities that will make you attractive to the right man. Yes, there are men out there who will judge you solely on what you look like. That's their loss. While you should take care of yourself, and present an appearance that is generally clean and neat, real love is about so much more than physical beauty.
The right sort of men like women who are smart, confident, and kind. The least attractive women are those that are overbearing, spoiled, and entitled. You are ladies, and in the Southern tradition you should be gentle and kind on the outside, but tough as nails on the inside. Southern women are strong. Just because you have manners and morals doesn't mean that you are weak. It just means that you were brought up correctly.
All relationships ebb and flow in a natural rhythm. While physical attraction is important (and fun,) it will wane at some point. Ask people who have been married more than a couple of years and have kids. That's why it's so important for you as a couple to make time to physically reconnect with one another. Men and women who don't get the attention they need at home will look for it somewhere else.
There are times you will disagree. Fight fair, and be honest. Don't abuse your spouse or tolerate abuse from him. You owe it to yourself and your children to take care of their mother. Marry someone who communicates the way you do. This will cut down massively on the number of disagreements you have. If you are someone who likes to be hugged and told that you are loved on a daily basis, then look for someone who is affectionate and likes to talk. The strong, silent type is not for you.    
I would encourage you to look for someone who has common interests. That's not to say that marrying someone who has different interests won't work. I know a couple who had nothing more in common when they married than the fact that they loved each other. They are together after many years, but it is only because they were committed to each other in a very real way. Their lack of common ground caused some real tension in their marriage.
My parents married when they were teenagers. My mother always said that people either grow together in a relationship or grow apart. She also had bulldog with a bone determination when it came to her marriage. She was willing to do whatever it took to make it work. Let me qualify that by saying that my dad was worth the trouble. He was worth fighting for, even if they didn't always see eye to eye on everything. That goes back to my first piece of advice - choose carefully!
I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I want to see you marry a man who loves and respects you, who makes you want to be a better person. I want you to to be told each and every day that you are wonderful, special, and valuable. And I want to see you marry a man that is worthy of your dedication and support. You will be his biggest cheerleader, the one who inspires him to go out and work hard, knowing that he has an amazing woman to come home to at the end of the day. It won't be perfect, but I promise it will be worth it. And if you still need help knowing what to look for, I'll make it easy for you. Just look for someone like your dad.