Marriage Is

  As most of you who are reading this already know, the primary purpose of my blog is to record my memories, funny stories, and bits of wisdom on life and love for my daughters. Today is my fourteenth wedding anniversary. Those years have flown by so very fast. It felt like I looked up one day and I was three people's mother.
  My mother prayed for my husband before I was born, and I'm certain she prayed for my marriage as well. I lost her entirely too soon. She and I never got to cover hundreds of important topics or plan my wedding. She never met my husband. We didn't have the chance to discuss the difference in a wedding and a marriage. Although I suppose I heard her say at some point that all marriages take "work," I had no idea what it meant at the time. So I want to take a moment and tell my girls what marriage really is.
  Marriage is so much more than just a ceremony. Yes, weddings are fantastic. Most girls have an elaborate vision in their heads of exactly how their wedding will look, especially these days with things like Pinterest and Etsy. You can plan that special day for years before it actually happens. (No pressure, guys.)
  To be honest, I never got past the big white dress. My husband spotted an absolutely gorgeous red wedding dress trimmed in white fur before we were married. He begged me to move our April wedding to December and wear that red dress. (My mother would have adored that idea.) I let him know in a hurry that I had waited my whole life to wear that huge white dress that made me feel like a princess, and by golly I was wearing it! The rest of our wedding was a pretty low key affair, mainly because I ended up planning the whole thing myself. I even typed and printed the programs. I'm sharing this because I want you to understand that a huge, fancy, expensive wedding doesn't guarantee a good marriage. While you are focusing on making every tiny detail of your wedding day absolutely perfect, please don't lose sight of the fact that at the end of the day, the marriage is far more important than the wedding.
  Marriage is compromising when you don't really want to. Occasionally it's saying that you are sorry or that you were wrong because keeping the peace is more important than being right. It's not always easy or fun. Things that were small issues in your relationship can suddenly become very big issues. Family size and religion may not seem like a big deal when you are young and planning your dream wedding, but those two things are deal breakers for some couples. Details matter.
  Marriage is learning to think of someone other than yourself every single day. It's cooking something for supper because it's his favorite meal, even if it isn't yours. It's showing him you love him in a hundred different ways, like making sure he has clean clothes and underwear for work. It's remembering to tell him each and every day that you love him and appreciate the work he puts in taking care of your family. (And, yes, he should do the same thing for you. The right man will encourage, support, protect, adore, and comfort you when you need him to.)
  If I've made marriage sound hard, that wasn't my intention. I have been blessed with a happy marriage and healthy family. (Don't ever take either of those things for granted.) I want you girls to understand that a marriage is a living, breathing thing that has to be tended to, cared for, and valued like the precious, wonderful thing it is. It grows, it changes, and if you aren't careful, it can wither away and die. When you find the partner that you want to spend the rest of your life with, hold on to each other and defend your union with everything in you. Enjoy each other. Have fun! Be thankful that whatever life throws at you, you have someone who loves you and wants to stand beside you. Know that you will walk through dark valleys and difficult days, but you won't have to do it alone. There's tremendous comfort in that.
 We aren't promised tomorrow. When I was a newlywed, I remember waking up and thinking how I now had one less night to spend with the love of my life. It made me sad, so I decided to try to make the most of every minute I had left. Notice, I said "try." I certainly don't always succeed, but the best days to me are the ones that feel like we crammed every single bit of life and love possible into them. My prayer for you, my girls, is that you have many, many days like those ahead of you.        

The Disney Half Marathon

   There are things we do in life that we don't want to forget. Special things, events filled with memories so precious that we latch onto them even as they are still happening. Sights, sounds, smells, and feelings become tiny bits of joy that we store away in our souls, where they wait for just the right opportunity to creep back into our consciousness. Anyone who knows me well knows how I feel about Disney parks, so it will come as no surprise to them that the Disney Half Marathon fell into that special category for me.
   Anyone who takes up the sport of running has a reason, something or someone that inspires them to keep going when their body tries to tell them it wants to stop. For me, it was a high school classmate's leukemia diagnosis that spurred me back onto my treadmill several years ago. I was overweight, tired and irritable. I wanted to be healthy, to do what I could to ensure that I would be here for the precious moments yet to come in my children's lives.
   I started jogging, painfully slowly at first, having absolutely no intention of ever entering a foot race of any kind. I agreed to my first 5K only because it was a fundraiser for my friend with leukemia who inspired me to run in the first place, having no idea what I was getting myself into.
 Fast forward a couple of years and several hundred miles run later, to a cold, dark Florida morning at Epcot Center. Having completed my first half marathon earlier that year and training for several months, I was confident that I could handle the distance. The 3AM wakeup call had come way too early, and it was as unwelcome as the migraine that had arrived with it. I had no choice but to take a Relpax and pray that it would work, as I needed to be conscious and dressed, waiting in the hotel lobby for a bus by 4AM.
   Somehow I had conned my husband into taking up running as well, and when we entered the same races, he always beat me handily. When we talked about entering a Run Disney race, we agreed that in this case it would be really cool to run it together. So there we were, shivering in the same start corral, even though based on his previous half marathon time, he qualified to start one corral ahead of me. This was my first time to enter an event so large that it required start corrals. We were clear back in corral I, which seemed like a long way from the front...until I looked behind us. As it turned out, we were actually in the middle of the pack.
  The sights and sounds of such a large event were much different than anything I'd experienced before. If you've ever run a race, particularly a long one, you know how important a pre-race potty stop is. Realizing that you have to pee (or worse) at mile 2 of 13.1 is not a fun place to be, so we got in line. Ever seen a row of eighty porta potties? I hadn't, either! Using a portable toilet in the dark while trying not to drop your stuff or touch anything requires a certain amount of skill. I'm fairly certain that my extra $25 Relpax tablet fell out of my pocket in there, which hurt my feelings in more ways than one. As it turned out, I didn't need it and I was tremendously grateful that I didn't.  
   Fortunately, we had done enough research to know that we'd be standing around freezing our butts off before the start, so we had worn old clothes over our running clothes that we could toss into one of the fifty or so donation boxes that were put out just for that purpose. We'd also brought plastic bags to sit on, which are particularly handy if the ground is wet. I have to admit that I was surprised, however, to see an older man spread out his plastic bag and lie down. He then produced a sliver thermal recovery blanket, covered himself up, and actually went to sleep. I guess he figured the fireworks at the beginning of the race would wake him up.
  Of course, no Disney race would be complete without characters. Donald Duck was the mascot for our race, and as each wave of starters came to the line, he would count down and fireworks would signal the start of each new group. At various mile markers, there were different characters to visit and take pictures with. As we ran under and through Cinderella castle, we were greeted by Elsa, Anna, and Olaf from the movie "Frozen." In an effort to distract myself from the task at hand, I waved back and yelled, "Good morning!" I was treated to a "Good morning," in return from Kristoff, which my kids found terribly exciting when I told them about it.
   One fabulous thing about races run at Disney is the abundance of costumes. Not being an accomplished runner, I was more worried about finishing than how I looked doing it, so I skipped that part. The rest of the thousand or so people standing near me was a different story. A couple dressed as Cruella DeVille and one of her Dalmations was in our corral. There were all the usual suspects, everyone from Minnie Mouse, Cinderella, and Elsa to Peter Pan and Tink. There were groups dressed like the Seven Dwarves and princesses. There were tutus, fairy wings, and Mickey ears. There were costumes that I couldn't possibly imagine wearing while running for that length of time. And there was this guy, make that THE guy dressed as Lumiere, the talking candelabra from "Beauty and the Beast." He ran 26.2 miles in a shiny gold bodysuit, with a cardboard candle in each hand and one on top of his head. Now that's a costume!
   My favorite part of big races is the crowd lining parts of the racecourse. Certain stretches of our adventure were long, dark and lonely. (Think running on a closed parkway before dawn with a few thousand of your closest friends.) Other parts of the course took us through the Magic Kingdom and Epcot before business hours. (How cool is that?) Coming into and through the parks, there were lots of people. With people come cowbells (which I love, being a Mississippi State fan) and my other favorite thing - signs! Handmade on race-issued cardboard, hand-lettered at home, or professionally printed...signs at big races are fun. I saw one that read, "You run better than our government." Another was a picture of a button that said, "Touch here for power!" There was the classic "Motivational Sign" written in huge letters on a piece of cardboard. A few said things like, "That looks painful" and "Cupcakes at the Finish Line!" There were multiple "Just keep running," and "Not far now" type signs. And then there was my personal favorite: a big bold double sided sign that said, "Go Becky! I'm Proud of You!" on one side and,"Go Random Stranger! I'm Proud of You, Too!" on the other. 
   The theme at Disney races is, "Every Mile is Magic." Each mile had the coolest distractions, such as a set from the "Peter Pan" broadway show, multiple high school marching bands, and at mile 12, a full gospel choir in robes singing, "Hallelujah!" Put together, it was almost enough to distract you from the fact that you were indeed running 13.1 miles. Running that race was one of the most fantastic things I've ever done, although I'll never look at a freeway on ramp the same way again. Think they aren't that steep? Try running up one ten miles into a 13 mile race. It was pure torture on my calves!
   As much fun as we had, there were a few serious moments in our experience. One happened at about mile 2 of 13.1. Remember when I said that you didn't want to have to use the bathroom that early in a long race? My running partner had to have a break. Since we had never run a race together, we didn't plan very well. He stopped, assuring me that he would catch up, and I kept running at a much slower pace. I moved out to the edge, hoping he would be able to see me more easily. He couldn't. Suddenly we were separated, and I had no idea how we would ever find each other again. (I had my phone on me, but he didn't.) As tears began to fill my eyes, all I could think about was how hard this was going to be without him there for support. I looked and looked for him in those thousands of people. Then, just as I was about to have myself a good old-fashioned pity party, my Prince Charming found me! Standing among those thousands of runners, he found his way back to me. I'm not sure I've ever been quite so glad to see him! Somehow he had gotten ahead of me while running to catch up, so when he got to mile marker 3, he just stopped and waited on me to get there. I was afraid I wouldn't see him again until we got back to the hotel!
   Much later in the race,  I was struggling along about mile 11. This whole race thing was becoming decidedly less fun. My feet hurt and my thighs ached. My clothes were completely drenched with sweat, and it was becoming much more difficult to make small talk. Suddenly we came up behind and proceeded to pass a soldier with a prosthetic leg who had run just as far as we. With tears in my eyes, I looked at him as we passed and choked out, "You're doing great, Sir! Keep it up!" A little further along, we came upon a blind runner who was being guided through the course by an employee. Needless to say, I was out of excuses and done complaining. Nothing like a little reality check!
   When we finally made it to the end, crossing the finish line with my husband was one of the most exciting things I've ever done. I'll never forget that feeling of accomplishment. Distance running is a physical test, but it's much more of a mental one. If your mind believes you can, your body will get you there. We've all heard the saying, "Whether you believe you can, or you can't, either way you're correct." We did something incredibly difficult, and we did it together, all because we decided that we could. There's something pretty special about that.