Marriage Is

  As most of you who are reading this already know, the primary purpose of my blog is to record my memories, funny stories, and bits of wisdom on life and love for my daughters. Today is my fourteenth wedding anniversary. Those years have flown by so very fast. It felt like I looked up one day and I was three people's mother.
  My mother prayed for my husband before I was born, and I'm certain she prayed for my marriage as well. I lost her entirely too soon. She and I never got to cover hundreds of important topics or plan my wedding. She never met my husband. We didn't have the chance to discuss the difference in a wedding and a marriage. Although I suppose I heard her say at some point that all marriages take "work," I had no idea what it meant at the time. So I want to take a moment and tell my girls what marriage really is.
  Marriage is so much more than just a ceremony. Yes, weddings are fantastic. Most girls have an elaborate vision in their heads of exactly how their wedding will look, especially these days with things like Pinterest and Etsy. You can plan that special day for years before it actually happens. (No pressure, guys.)
  To be honest, I never got past the big white dress. My husband spotted an absolutely gorgeous red wedding dress trimmed in white fur before we were married. He begged me to move our April wedding to December and wear that red dress. (My mother would have adored that idea.) I let him know in a hurry that I had waited my whole life to wear that huge white dress that made me feel like a princess, and by golly I was wearing it! The rest of our wedding was a pretty low key affair, mainly because I ended up planning the whole thing myself. I even typed and printed the programs. I'm sharing this because I want you to understand that a huge, fancy, expensive wedding doesn't guarantee a good marriage. While you are focusing on making every tiny detail of your wedding day absolutely perfect, please don't lose sight of the fact that at the end of the day, the marriage is far more important than the wedding.
  Marriage is compromising when you don't really want to. Occasionally it's saying that you are sorry or that you were wrong because keeping the peace is more important than being right. It's not always easy or fun. Things that were small issues in your relationship can suddenly become very big issues. Family size and religion may not seem like a big deal when you are young and planning your dream wedding, but those two things are deal breakers for some couples. Details matter.
  Marriage is learning to think of someone other than yourself every single day. It's cooking something for supper because it's his favorite meal, even if it isn't yours. It's showing him you love him in a hundred different ways, like making sure he has clean clothes and underwear for work. It's remembering to tell him each and every day that you love him and appreciate the work he puts in taking care of your family. (And, yes, he should do the same thing for you. The right man will encourage, support, protect, adore, and comfort you when you need him to.)
  If I've made marriage sound hard, that wasn't my intention. I have been blessed with a happy marriage and healthy family. (Don't ever take either of those things for granted.) I want you girls to understand that a marriage is a living, breathing thing that has to be tended to, cared for, and valued like the precious, wonderful thing it is. It grows, it changes, and if you aren't careful, it can wither away and die. When you find the partner that you want to spend the rest of your life with, hold on to each other and defend your union with everything in you. Enjoy each other. Have fun! Be thankful that whatever life throws at you, you have someone who loves you and wants to stand beside you. Know that you will walk through dark valleys and difficult days, but you won't have to do it alone. There's tremendous comfort in that.
 We aren't promised tomorrow. When I was a newlywed, I remember waking up and thinking how I now had one less night to spend with the love of my life. It made me sad, so I decided to try to make the most of every minute I had left. Notice, I said "try." I certainly don't always succeed, but the best days to me are the ones that feel like we crammed every single bit of life and love possible into them. My prayer for you, my girls, is that you have many, many days like those ahead of you.