A Double Birthday!

  Yesterday was an important day at our house. We celebrated not only my twins' ninth birthday, but also the day my life changed forever. That's not to say that my husband's life didn't change, but for this post I'll be sharing my perspective. At 6:17 AM on July 25, 2006, my life instantly changed in ways I couldn't even begin to imagine. I got to be the parent of one child for thirteen minutes, and then became a mom again. Even without the addition of a second child, in those few moments I was blissfully unaware that nothing about my experience in this life would ever be the same.
  Parenthood is one of those decisions that you can't unmake. There's no such thing as a little bit pregnant; either you are or you aren't. And once you are, from the moment that test is positive, the tiny life growing inside you is calling the shots. Your body, heart, and mind undergo changes that you can neither explain nor control. Maybe being admitted to the hospital for three days wasn't on your agenda for the week. I'm pretty certain that taking 9 months off from riding horses, as per my doctor's orders, and taking terbutaline to ward off early contractions were not in my plans. (If you've never taken terbutaline, you're not missing anything. Lying on the couch feeling extremely dizzy with your pulse racing, trying to convince yourself that you are not having a heart attack is not really my idea of a good time.)
  There aren't many things you can do in life that will affect every single decision you make for the rest of your days. Deciding to become a mother is one of those things. Never again will you be free to think only of and for yourself. You will consider how each and every thing you do affects your children, whether you want to or not. Everything from when and how much you sleep to whether you get to pee alone is now the domain of the tiny dictator wrapped in that striped hospital blanket.
  Occasionally you will develop a false sense of security. It tells you that you have this parenting thing under control; that you're doing okay. I mean, the baby's still alive and well after being in your care for its entire life, right? Go ahead and pat yourself on the back, mom. You deserve it! Then sit back and wait for the inevitable tornado that is about to hit your life. The only true thing about childhood phases is that, good or bad, they end. One day you will be rocking along, kicking motherhood's butt...and the next it will have you on your knees, begging for mercy and wondering whose insane idea it was to have a baby, anyway.
  To be fair, the flip side of all this angst is the unbelievable blessing that motherhood brings with it. New babies smell absolutely fantastic. Once you become a mom, there will be no sweeter smell in the world than that of your child. (Yes, I know that they don't always smell good. There were many times that I wondered how something so foul could come out of something so sweet.) However, I can honestly say that some of the most precious moments in my life were those spent with my babies snuggled up on my chest.
  People will tell you how fast your children will grow up. This is purely because they are looking back on it. There were plenty of times when the twins were little that time slowed to a crawl. There were days when I felt like my biggest accomplishment was keeping us all alive for one more day. Children will push your body to supernatural levels of exhaustion. I've read that sleep deprivation is often used as a form of torture. The person who thought that stuff up was most definitely a parent!
  Looking back at the last nine years, I have to say that my husband and I were changed for the better. Being forced to cultivate patience where there was none and consider the needs of others before your own tends to produce real live adults, even if we do still look at each other occasionally and say, "Can you believe we're three people's parents" and then laugh like hyenas.