Local commercials in my area have always been a major source of amusement for me. Misspelled words, incorrect grammar, horrible Southern accents, you name it. We done seen it all. I have to tell you that some of my favorites are the ones done by local businesses that involve some sort of health care "minute." Hospitals, veterinarians, and day care centers, just to name a few, bombard us with their wisdom each and every day during the potty - I mean commercial- breaks. But I heard one the other day that left me shaking my head.
A local dental practice has begun a "dental health minute," which has provided some mildly amusing stuff in the past. Up until the other day, my favorite was the one where the guy wasn't even trying to pretend that he wasn't reading straight from a teleprompter. The script had obviously been written by someone in approximately the sixth grade. I know this because every sentence started with whatever subject he was discussing that day, something really exciting like root canals, and he used the same two words eighty-seven times. To which I say, don't they have producers who record that crap and edit it before it goes on the air? Boy was someone asleep at the wheel!
I now have the distinct honor of reporting that I have a new favorite "dental health minute." In this one, Dr. Strangelove decides to step outside the fascinating world of dentistry to address...wait for it...parenting!
This man actually recommended that you not share your food or drink with your child, AND that you not kiss your baby on the lips because BACTERIA could be transferred from your mouth to theirs. Wow. Just sit there for a minute and think about that. Needless to say, my mind went crazy.
Here are a few of the questions I would like to ask: first and foremost, are you now or have you ever been a parent?!? I'll go one better. Have you ever actually been in the room with a child while someone else is eating? My kids have the most fantastic selective hearing on the planet. When they are watching TV or I am calling them to do something they'd rather not, they actually become deaf to the sound of my voice for brief periods of time. I was really excited the day they told me they were going to test their hearing at school, because I admit I was beginning to have concerns. The great state of Mississippi assured me that they could in fact hear, but I wasn't convinced. Luckily, my fears were laid to rest by a potato chip bag. I could rattle a bag of Doritos in the kitchen and those suckers would wake up from a coma, drag themselves out of bed and RUN to me.
Sitting down with food around my kids is sort of like being surrounded by a pack of wild dogs. I could have a big steaming pile of poop on my plate, and if I sat down to eat it they would circle around me and elbow each other for the prime position just so they could get a bite. My personal favorite is my daughter's habit of ordering what she wants at a restaurant, then eyeballing MY order as soon as our food arrives. She asks for a bite of my food before my plate has even touched the table. Either that or she asks something like, "Mom, are those cheese sticks? Mmm, those look really good...do you think I could have one of those?" And of course, I give it to her. Isn't there some sort of unwritten rule about that when you become a parent? You know, something like "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine, too?" There is at my house.
And another thing: the whole bacteria issue. I refer you again to the question, "Have you ever actually been a parent? Have you observed the daily habits of children at all?" Let's see, my kids drink out of the toothbrush rinse cup, fill their mouths with bathwater, and put their hands in their mouths after they've played in the dirt at the arena. I could go on for hours here. Those things make me want to puke, and I don't even have a booger eater...that I know about! You're worried about the bacteria that I could transfer out of MY mouth to theirs? Whatever, dude.
Kissing my sweet baby girl on the lips is sometimes the highlight of my day. As far as I'm concerned it's one of the best parts of having a baby, and I don't intend to stop because some guy on TV said to. If eating off my plate rots their teeth, I guess my children will just have tooth decay. Poor little suckers. Someday when they talk to their therapist, they can blame that on me, too.
No comments:
Post a Comment