The Plane Ride

In the midst of Election Day craziness, I am happy and still a little amazed to report that my husband and I survived not one but two cross country plane rides with three kids under 7. For those of you who missed my last post, we got word about two weeks ago that the video I had submitted (and almost forgotten about, it was so long ago) had been selected as a weekly finalist on the show America's Funniest Home Videos. With not much warning, we were shocked and slightly terrified that the show wanted to fly our entire family to Los Angeles for a taping of the show. To be truthful, my kids have been asking to go to Disney World forever, and the main thing keeping us from going was the thought of a long plane ride with three little kids. So, as tends to happen so often in my life, we were coaxed into it whether we were ready or not.
Packing for five people was an enormous undertaking, especially when it came time to figure in things like diapers, wipes, food, and comfort items that the baby was used to. We all figured the plane ride, time and schedule changes would be hardest on her, but to tell the truth I think she managed better than the rest of us!
We flew out of Memphis, TN, which meant a two hour car trip to the airport before we ever got on a plane. We fed the kids breakfast on the way, including Sheridan's customary Minnie Mouse cup of milk. I mention the milk because that freaking cup came back to haunt us in more ways than one. Approximately halfway to California my husband realized that we left it in my car to cook over the weekend. I have to admit that I dreaded coming home and opening that car door all weekend. The smell of rotting milk is not one that I tolerate very well.
Once we arrived at the airport, the lines were incredibly short, which I considered a personal blessing from God. After walking half a mile to our gate, the kids decided they were hungry. So, we loaded up again and hiked half a mile back to a restaurant, at which time the baby decided that I was not to be out of her sight for any reason. A last minute potty break turned into the fastest pee on record because I could hear my child screaming clear across the hall from inside the bathroom. When I got back to the table, my husband informed me that I was not to be out of her sight ever again, for any reason. Ain't motherhood fun?
Our angelic child continued her wicked ways at the gate. I'm not sure exactly how many people were on our flight, but I'm pretty sure every last one of them was staring at my toddler when she sprawled out on the floor to have a screaming mimi right before we boarded the plane. Anyone who wasn't staring at her was staring at me, silently wondering how I was going to handle the situation. If I could have read their minds, I'm pretty sure I would have heard something like, "Dear God, please don't let me be the poor soul who was to sit next to that kid on the plane." Some of them were looking around desperately and making contingency plans, surveying the crowd for someone who would be stupid enough to swap seats with them should they draw the short straw and have to sit next to us. Bill Cosby's comedy routine about the kid named Jeffrey that everybody on the plane wanted to kill kept running through my mind.
I have to admit, it was kind of funny though, because everyone who was a parent was looking at me like, "I feel SO sorry for you. I have so been there" and everyone who was not a parent was looking at me like, "Can't you make her stop that?" And the answer is, "NO. I can ignore her, I can threaten her, I can spank her, I can offer to buy her a pony. I have tried reasoning with a two year old, and there's no future in it. Either way, she's going to scream until she's good and ready to stop. Hopefully it will be five minutes and not forty-five."
I really wasn't too worried about my big girls on the plane. They've never flown before, but I downloaded a bunch of new apps on my iPad and figured I could plug them in, which worked like a charm for a little while. I do have to say that one of the best moments of the plane ride came when they started playing their version of Pictionary. One would draw a picture and the other one would guess what it was. From across the aisle, I saw a picture that looked like a ball with ponytails. After a wrong guess or two, the guesser finally gave up and said, "I don't know. What is it?" To which her sister replied, "This is you. FAT." My Coke came dangerously close to coming out my nose. "Oh, yeah?" Her sister scribbled furiously. "Well THIS is you in Time Out!" I suppose I should be thankful that they can entertain themselves.
The baby, however, is at that lovely age so often referred to as the "terrible twos." Remember I said that a stupid Minnie Mouse cup came back to haunt us more than once? Ever tried to convince a two year old that even though the Minnie Mouse cup usually has milk in it, today it has water? And that's okay? On an airplane surrounded by strangers who don't understand that to a two year old this is a HUGE deal? Not one of my finer parenting moments for sure.
Approximately halfway to California, my little one got sleepy. After what seemed like an eternity of whining, crying, and being passed back and forth from parent to parent in a desperate attempt to console her, she finally fell asleep. People oohed and ahhed over her precious sleeping face on the way to and from the bathroom, but I'm pretty sure the look on my face said something like, "If you wake this child up, I will kill you with my bare hands."
The rest of the plane ride was uneventful, and I have to say that I was reminded how little my children have traveled when one of my six year olds began telling our driver that California was the most beautiful place she had ever seen! We had been to LAX and the parking garage. Guess we need to get out more!