Since I was a very small child, I have been completely enamored with the Olympic Games. They are proof positive that I will watch athletes from the USA compete in any sport. That's right...anything! Over the years I've cheered for gymnasts, swimmers, skiers, skeet shooters, ice skaters, equestrians, curlers, table tennis players and everything in between. I vividly remember Mary Lou Retton's gold medal smile, Greg Louganis hitting his head on the diving board, and Flo Jo's fingernails. I remember Janet Evans, Picabo Street, and Nancy Kerrigan. I was thrilled when I heard that rodeo would be included, even if it was a demonstration sport in Calgary. Since I've obviously chosen to pursue something they don't often give Olympic medals for, I think winning a gold medal barrel racing would have to be the highlight of someone's life.
So as is my custom, I have watched every moment of the London games that I possibly could. I heard something really disturbing this morning. A seventeen year old girl from China brought honor and glory to her country by winning a gold medal in the diving competition. After her medal-winning performance, her father informed her (and the rest of the world) that her mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. And oh, by the way, both of her grandparents had died over a year ago. He deliberately kept these bits of life-altering news from his daughter so as not to interfere with her training for the Olympics. My question for him is this: is that gold medal going to offer her comfort when she tries to deal with the loss of her mother in the future? Is it going to be there for her when she is angry and bitter over the loss of her grandparents? Will it in any way help her deal with the regret she will have over not spending a year of life with her sick mother? All I can say is that I hope they have some excellent mental health professionals in China, because this woman's going to need one!
For as long as there have been writers, people have been advising them to "write about what you know." So here goes. I'm going to write about what I know on this subject, in the hope that someone reads this and it makes a difference in their life. I know about pain, anger, bitterness, and regret. I know what it's like to have someone fill you in on the details of the most pivotal moment in your own life. I understand how easy it is to let a season of mourning become a lifetime of mourning.
Allow me to explain. My mother lost her battle with cancer when I was a freshman in college. I wasn't at her bedside when she died, and it is my life's biggest regret. It wasn't that I didn't wish to be there. Someone made the choice to keep me away by not letting me know the time had come. Was it my mother? My father? My parents together? I'll never know for sure. But the fact is that I was two hours away, blissfully unaware that the most important person in my life, the foundation of my heart and soul, was leaving this life and moving into the next. By the time I got to my parents' home, my mother's body and even her hospital bed were gone. Did my mother think she was sparing me the agony of watching a parent die? Perhaps. As a parent myself now, I am intimately acquainted with a mother's desire to protect her children, to shield them from the horrible things in this world whenever you can.
At the time I had no idea what an enormous impact the events of that day were going to have on my life.
It's been said millions of times that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Personally, I feel like I should be the Incredible Hulk by now. I allowed myself to be sidetracked by grief, anger, and bitterness for so many years. Not being there to say what I needed to say to my mom is the biggest regret of my life. What were her last moments like? What were her last thoughts about? I don't know. I let the feeling of having unfinished business eat me alive for a very, very long time. As a veteran of the experience, I can tell you that angry at the world is no way to go through this life. Bitterness and regret can suck all the joy out of a person, and I allowed that to happen to me for far too long.
I hope that an Olympic gold medal is worth the repercussions that are coming to this Chinese father and daughter. My heart truly goes out to her. To not have a say in such major events in your own life is an overwhelming experience. Pastor Joel Osteen says that we have to be careful not to let a season of mourning turn into a lifetime of mourning. I hope she figures that one out more quickly than I did.
Parents, the fact is this: life isn't fair. It's full of horrible, painful experiences and disappointments. Nothing's "fair"; not everyone gets to play. Everyone doesn't deserve a trophy. The other team doesn't always follow the rules, and the officials don't always make the right call. They give ONE gold medal in an event. There are no do-overs. Pain and disappointment are inevitable. Our choices make the difference, so long as they are our choices. Heartfelt prayers for that young woman and her family.
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