Bless Your Heart

Why don't we just say what we mean and mean what we say? Because that would be far too simple and make all of our lives less complicated. Growing up in the South, you learn the importance of outward appearances very early. You also learn how to fake it, and I'm not talking about anything remotely related to the bedroom here, girls. You may be dying on the inside, but the first time you meet that low down cheating ass POS that you used to date's girlfriend, you are going to be dressed to the nines, have your hair done, your makeup on, stand up just a bit straighter, and smile that pageant smile. She'll share some insignificant detail, you'll smile at him, and say, "How nice." Here's a well-known Southern secret. "How nice" is code for screw you. But we'd never be so rude as to say such a thing.
Southern ladies bless a lot of hearts. This one is tricky. It can be sincere, especially when it comes from a little old church lady. When she blesses your heart, it means that she's sorry to hear that your mother's in the hospital. When a member of the younger generation uses it, it can mean something totally different. For example: "John was in a car wreck today." "Oh really? Well bless his heart!" What she really wanted to say was, "Well, if he hadn't been headed to the other side of town to see that tramp he left my best friend and her kids for, maybe that wouldn't have happened." But she didn't. She just said, "Bless his heart!" Then she and her friend shared that Southern look that says it all. Southern ladies are talented. We can speak volumes with just our eyebrows. They teach us that in Kindergarten.
Girls raised in the South are taught that you take care of your own family first, but whenever the opportunity presents itself to take care of someone else's family, you better do that, too. We lead the way in hurricane donations, clothing drives, and food pantries. I've lost count of the number of times in my life I've said to someone, "And if we can do ANYTHING for you, just let us know." So let's be honest about something here. At least some of those times, I was really thinking, "But please don't ask! I'm busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest just trying to keep my own kids dressed and fed. At the end of the day, I collapse into my bed, then lie awake thinking about all of the stuff I didn't get done today but should have. I really do feel badly for you, but if this request involves something other than a meat and cheese tray or a small donation, please keep it to yourself!" But we'd never say that, would we ladies? Nope! We'd smile, stay up half the night whipping up that casserole she loves so much, hire a babysitter, and deliver a full three course meal (ready to serve, of course) precisely at supper time the next night. Oh, and threaten to kill anyone in our family who had the nerve to complain that they were being neglected because we were busy taking care of someone else's family. It's just the way we do things down here.
It's kind of the unwritten rule of the Southern family: as long as you are content to eat "it" politely with a knife and fork, everything's a-okay. When you start trying to kick over the traces, you will find yourself politely tossed out on your arse. It's so much nicer when everyone just agrees with one another and pretends to get along. That Scarlett O'Hara thing,where she smiles and acts sickeningly polite to the women she despises was taken straight from a Southern lady's handbook.
It really is all about appearances, and I'll probably get thrown out of the DAR or something for this one, but I'm about to debunk another great Southern myth. The great big dresses, complete with petticoats, that you see in every Civil War movie? Total BS. I've lived here all my life. You're telling me that these girls lived in houses with no air conditioning during a Mississippi summer and wore those getups? No wonder they got the "vapors" and passed out. They were HOT. But again, let's pretend that life in the South is graceful and beautiful. Not 103 degrees in the shade and full of mosquitoes. That sounds much less romantic.
Yes, Southern ladies are a different breed. Little girls learn early that they should smile when they want to cry and stuff it when they want to complain. One should look and act like a lady at all times, but be ready to work like a man should the need arise. We are strong, we are proud, and we are tough. We are also resourceful, devious, and conniving. Don't mess with a Southern woman's husband or her children. Or the heart getting blessed might just be your own.