Literal Creatures

Children are literal. We all know this, and mine are particularly so. They also tend to comment on subjects they know nothing about, as well as using words they don't necessarily know the meaning of. And don't get me started on sarcasm and connotations. Totally lost on these guys. But it makes for some funny conversations!
The other day my husband was doing his very best cheerleader impersonation, giving my "glass half empty" child an impassioned speech about how she could do, be, or have anything that she wanted, if she was willing to work hard at it. So in classic Shumpert style, she replied, "Well, if I can have anything I want, then I want a cell phone, a car, and to go away!" Right. Since this was the child who not one month ago was swearing she would never leave home, I asked, "So where are you going? I thought you were never getting married and staying with us!" She thought about it for a second and then replied with a smile, "The mall!" Darn! I was hoping she had changed her mind about this whole "living with my parents for the rest of my life" thing. Sigh.
My family all think that I spend too much time using my phone, which is probably true, but I'll never say that to them. Last night my husband said, "I saw a show you ought to be on. Well, I mean if you were still young and single." Thanks, hon. "Really - it was about these girls who lived together in an apartment and had no cell phones, no computers, no technology of any kind." I thought about the horror of such a situation for a moment and replied, "Yeah, I would kill somebody." He went on, "I mean these girls were worse than you, too. They were like, addicted to their phones."
My daughter, who had been halfway eavesdropping on our conversation, looked up and with all the passion of the kid in Little Giants who said, "Don't be talkin' about my mama" said, "HEY! Nobody's more addicted than my mama!" Gee, thanks. I think.