Literal Creatures

My kids never cease to amaze me with the things that come out of their mouths. Sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised when they remember to say "thank you" or "may I be excused" at someone else's house. Other times I'm shocked by some inappropriate word or phrase, or taken aback by the biting sarcasm. Okay, fine, I admit it. Sometimes I'm secretly impressed by the skill with which they utilize sarcasm, but I would never let them know that. And sometimes it's really, really hard not to laugh, especially when my husband is sitting over there snickering under his breath.

I have mentioned countless times that my kids are very literal creatures. Also, even with their incredibly extensive vocabulary, they are somewhat lacking in the area of slang words and phrases. They also don't yet realize that the rest of the country assumes that Southerners are stupid. One of our neighbors was shocked when my daughter asked him to "please turn up the volume on the radio" in the church van. He informed me that she sure didn't sound like she was from Mooreville. I wasn't aware that being from a certain town meant you didn't have manners or a good grasp of the English language. I guess you learn something every day.

After being in the National Guard for ten years, my husband occasionally drops a military term. Having three daughters is as far from the order and precision of the military as you can possibly get. The other day he was having trouble motivating my 6 year old to dress for school. "Let's go, Sharlee! Move out!" What he was expecting was for her to hurry up and get her clothes on. What he got was a sobbing pile of human Jell-o.

"What? What? What is your problem?" He looked at me for help. Finally, my red-faced, bawling child blurted out, "Daddy, I don't want to leave you! I don't want to move out!" Ah, yes. Literal creatures.

Just the other night, we stopped on the way home from roping to eat at our favorite Mexican restaurant. As the kids started unloading, I giggled and said, "Look at all those little rednecks getting out of that motorhome!" My daughter grabbed her throat and and, looking slightly horrified, squealed, "Is my neck red?"  

 I'm afraid so, Sweetheart.