I am excited to say that I'm looking forward to Christmas this year! Yes, yes I know, this may not seem like big news to anyone else, but for me it's huge. I have mentioned before that I have struggled with depression on and off throughout my life, particularly when dealing with my mother's death and following the births of my children. For many years, I was like so many other people you know - the holidays were just hard. Decorating our home for Christmas simply reminded me how very much I missed my mother. Christmas was her absolute favorite holiday, and she enjoyed every second of decorating, preparing, cooking, shopping - all the zillions of things that went into creating the perfect Christmas Eve for my cousins and I each and every year.
And they were perfect - as far as I was concerned. It's really funny now to talk with the adults in my family about those Christmas Eve parties at my parents' house. My cousins and I were so innocent. It's amazing to hear about all the family drama going on behind the scenes that no one ever let us in on! Looking back on it, those gatherings could have been the script for National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, although we never did burn down the Christmas tree. But for me, looking at them through a child's eyes, they were perfect, each and every one.
I can remember how terrified I was the moment it set in that, as parents, now WE were responsible for someone else's childhood Christmas memories. That's a lot of pressure, boys and girls! And when the boss mare of the herd isn't feeling jolly, it's material for the therapist's chair later on! Here's hoping we don't do any permanent damage this year!
I am constantly reminded that everything looks different through the eyes of a child. For instance, just the other day one of my six year olds looked at her sister, who I thought looked adorable in a black and white striped sweater, and said, "Gee, Mom, she looks so cute! Like a little tiny prisoner!"
See what I mean? It's all in how you look at it. The other night, my daughter achieved what was for her (and for me) a lifetime goal: she actually opened a Happy Meal toy by herself. Again, not a big deal to a lot of people - huge deal to the two of us!
From the back seat I heard:
Child 1: I DID IT! I mastered it! I opened a Happy Meal toy all by myself! Whooppeee!
Child 2: (with wit and sarcasm that made her mother proud) Amazing. Here, (tossing her own toy that she couldn't open at her sister) see if you can master another one!
Child 1: Um, I'm not opening that for you. If I did it, you can do it!
And here's the shocking thing about this conversation - I found so much to be proud of in this exchange. Savannah's clever use of sarcasm in her attempt to get her own toy opened without admitting that she couldn't do it, her sister's accomplishment, and most importantly, Sharlee's refusal to take orders from her twin. This one has been a long time coming. She has always been the follower, so maybe she will step on out there and believe in herself. Hey, a mother can hope.
So bring it on, Christmastime! I am happy, I am healthy, and I am ready for you. Here's to making memories that my kids won't need therapy for later on! Maybe...because really, where's the fun in that? One of the best things about getting married and meeting all the nuts in your spouse's family is realizing that your own family wasn't as crazy as you thought! Merry Christmas!
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