Priorities

One of my children sleeps with a flashlight. I don't really know why, but maybe she's afraid she'll need to go somewhere in the middle of the night and won't be able to see. Part of her bedtime routine is to "shine" her daddy with the flashlight when he tucks her in. Last night during the shining, the following conversation took place.
Child 1: Daddy, you sparkle in my eyes.
Daddy: I love you.
Child 1: I love you, too. Daddy, I'm always going to love you.
Child 2: Yeah, me too, until he dies.
Child 1: I'm even going to love him after that.
My children adore their father, and it's because he makes them a priority. He just knows how to make them feel loved. I have learned over the years that it's not about what you do for people or even what you say that they are going to remember when you are gone. It's the way you made them feel. My husband is exceptionally gifted in this area, because as I have mentioned before, his mother is. I have never known anyone who made me feel more welcome, loved, and accepted into a family than my mother-in-law. I will always remember that about her, and when it comes time for my girls to get married, I hope that I can make their husbands feel the same way. My mother once told me that she planned to love my husband like the son she never had. I feel sure she would have done just that.
On my birthday this year, a friend of my mother's, someone I have known for a very long time, said one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. She wished me a happy birthday, then added, "You were a well-wanted child." My mother had wanted a baby for a very long time before she had me. What a wonderfully comforting thought: to know she really, truly wanted me. I will always love her for that, and I will always love Suellen for telling me. I hope that someone will tell my girls something like that one day after I am gone. You can bet that I'm gonna tell them while I'm here!
Children are such a blessing from God. Granted, some days they are a mixed blessing. I would love to say that I have enjoyed each and every blissful moment of motherhood since my babies came into the world, but that would be what we call a LIE. A big, fat, smelly one! As I don't make a habit of lying, I will say that the fantastic moments have made all the not-so-fantastic ones bearable. My mom never said motherhood was easy, she just said it was worth it.
Dr. Phil McGraw says that the difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal comes with a plan and a deadline. My mother was a woman of tremendous faith. When she received her cancer diagnosis, she told her doctor that she was going to watch her daughter graduate from high school. I was two years old at the time. She set a goal, she made a plan, and she accomplished that goal. She passed away when I was a freshman in college. Now that I am a mother, I can't imagine what it must have been like for her to look at two year old me and be fairly certain she would never see me get married or hold her grandchildren. For those of you who talked about how she spoiled me, I can tell you I'm pretty sure that knowledge entered into every decision she ever made about me. I know it would for me. I freely admit there have been times I've been somewhat lenient with my kids on one thing or another because the thought crossed my mind: what if I'm not here tomorrow? Would it be the end of the world if she stayed here in my lap for a few minutes past her bedtime?
People often tell me that boys and girls are "different" when it comes to parenting. I completely agree. I don't pretend to know a darn thing about raising boys, but I can tell you about girls. Little girls get their self-esteem (or lack thereof) from their daddies. He is her first love, the first man to tell her that she's wonderful and beautiful and exceptional. Or he should be. When girls get to "that" age, around 12 or 13, some dads no longer know what to do with them. I am here to tell you something: those years are when your daughter needs you the most! If you don't make her a priority, someone else will. If you don't tell her all the things she needs to hear, she WILL find some teenage boy who will. The same goes for marriage. Ladies, if you don't pay attention to your husband, believe me, someone else will!
Make your family and your children a priority. They want, need, and deserve your time and attention. I used to beat myself up about not being the perfect parent, until I realized I was striving for a goal I was NEVER going to reach! I read a fantastic example once about kids and cupcakes. Your kids want to eat cupcakes. They don't care if you spent hours making them from gluten-free ingredients and snuck vegetables in there or if the woman in the bakery at Kroger made them. They don't care if they got to help or if they have tons of sugar. They just want to eat cupcakes, and they want to eat them with YOU. What they want is your time, however they can get it. (Okay, and a cupcake!) Make time for you kids. They really don't want perfection, they just want you.
Remember, if you continually put someone at the bottom of your priority list, don't be surprised when you are not at the top of theirs!