The Legpit

My child has once again renamed a part of the human anatomy. Well, sort of. I'm not really sure that the back of your knee technically has a name. Those of you who are familiar with my family know that my kids have been exposed early and often to various body parts through their parents' work as veterinarians. Let us not forget the "tentacles" (testicles) "kenis" and "china." I think the last two are self-explanatory. But yesterday my oldest child (by 13 all important minutes) dropped a new one on us. The conversation went something like this:
Child 1: Dad! I have a mosquito bite and it ITCHES!
Dad: Oh, really? Where is it?
Child 1: It's in my legpit and it really itches!
Dad: Your what?
Child 1: MY LEG PIT. See? (Scratching frantically and pointing to the back of her knee.) If this is your armpit (pointing dramatically under her arm) then THIS would be your legpit, right?

I have to say that it was hard to argue with her logic. One of the best things about having kids is that they force you to look at mundane things differently. They also cause you to reconsider every single step in your personal hygiene routine. Putting on makeup with my kids around is like sitting in front of a firing squad shooting questions instead of bullets. What is that? Why do you wear this? Where does that go? What color eye shadow are you going to wear today? Will you wear the purple eye shadow, Mom? Will you? Will you? Puuhleeeaseeee! Wear the purple! Can I have some of that? Will you put some lipstick on me? Can I wear lipstick to school? Can we have a puppy? Are you going to dry your hair now? What is that stuff you're putting in it? Can you spray mine, too? What day is it? Can we have ice cream for breakfast? It just goes on and on and on. Some days it's enough to make Mother Teresa say, "For the love of puppies, would you please shut up?"
So I kick them out of my bathroom, they head upstairs to give each other a "makeover," and return looking like two streetwalkers. You really have to get creative when your child asks you how she looks and she's wearing purple eyeshadow up to her eyebrows and bright red lip gloss. "Like a hooker" is probably not the answer she's looking for. Or the one that's going to earn me enough brownie points with them to dodge the old folks home later on.
And therein lies the problem that moms of girls deal with on a daily basis. How do you teach a child the difference between "pretty," "sexy," and "trashy?" My five year old already uses the term "hot" in reference to a woman's appearance, thanks to some stinking boy she went to kindergarten with. Apparently his favorite pastime was to tell all the babes in kindergarten that they were "hot." I have made repeated attempts to explain that it just doesn't sound good coming from a five year old girl, but then she wants to know why. So without delving into subjects that I just don't want to discuss with my child, I have nothing better to say than, "Because your mother told you not to say it!" Stellar parenting, I know, but I just feel like kids are way too worldly way too early these days. I don't want my daughters to be thinking about boys and makeup. I want them to enjoy pretending they are fairy princesses and that the world is a fair and wonderful place. Childhood is so short as it is. I don't think it's wrong for them to enjoy being young while they are young. So anytime you girls want to slow down, it's okay with your mom. I love you, armpits, legpits, and all!